"Cheese" Crackers

I have been plagued with the Change Creeps for about a week, maybe longer. A sudden wave of weak nausea, a feeling that I can only compare to being freshly insulted.

These mysterious Creeps, which I have only recently connected with divergence in my little life's shuffle (currently, being my new job), have been with me as long as I can remember.

Expressing the Creeps to my grandfather as a young girl, was met with the explanation that this was obviously the Holy Ghost telling me that something was wrong, bad and to turn the other way.

I've since decided to believe that these Creeps are my intuition, a mounting amalgamation of the subconscious cues I've collected over a course of time. Still, does that mean these Creeps may indicate something wrong, bad and to turn the other way?

Taking into account, myself, the answer I suppose is: no. I can't say I'm comfortable believing my subconscious is more acute than waking reason, though I'm not perfectly comfortable discounting that either.

For example, when I wanted to stop walking yesterday, but had to continue - I just imagined somebody from behind holding my hips firmly with straight hands, slightly pushing, slightly swaying them.

It is both fortifying and dubiously self-realizing to believe that there is something inside that leads you.

Anyway, today was ridiculously relaxing and fulfilling. I baked cupcakes, I swam with two loves of my life, we watched Angus (which has the most reminiscent soundtrack ever), and when my brother came by for some good company, I made crackers.

Root Beer Float Cupcakes

Repeatedly dragging a sweater across my face this afternoon. I realized that there is nothing as absorbing to me as certain physical sensations of my own supply. And that I am almost constantly catering to this aspect of my Id.

Sounds harmless, but tonight i wonder if it might very well be barring me from further exploring the "art of conversation" - as a part of my attention is allegiant to something that I am experiencing alone, and is not only personally distracting, but pointless to discuss.

I plan on experiencing with intentional elimination of this behavior in public. Maybe, suddenly, I will have smart things to say.

I didn't have the tools for this, but cutting up red and white striped straws to top the cupcakes would probably be very cute. Just sayin'.