New Plan

I would like to think that divergence after some time inevitably leads to convergence on some living topology.

That maybe there is a symbiosis: that when things fall apart they are actually coming together.

Number 54

There are times when a feeling of expectancy comes to me, as if something is there, beneath the surface of my understanding, waiting for me to grasp it. It is the same tantalizing sensation when you almost remember a name, but don't quite reach it. I can feel it when I think of human beings, of the hints of evolution suggested by the removal of wisdom teeth, the narrowing of the jaw no longer needed to chew such roughage as it was accustomed to; the gradual disappearance of hair from the human body; the adjustment of the human eye to the fine print, the swift, colored motion of the twentieth century. The feeling comes, vague and nebulous, when I consider the prolonged adolesence of our species; the rites of birth, marriage and death; all the primitive, barbaric ceremonies streamlined to modern times. Almost, I think, the unreasoning, bestial purity was best. Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke. And then I'll laugh. And then I'll know what life is.

Redeeming

Vegetable and fruit dinners for three days straight. My forearms are browning now as i stoop over the rows of baby lettuce. A lightness that follows.

But then, inside underneath the Los Angeles Times or sometimes even the Reader, My skin pricks up, cold. Things are about to change real swift here in the U.S.

I think there are going to be some trials coming up. I think that once everything comes out that it is very possible that Bush and Rumsfeld will be tried as war criminals if the worst is still hidden.

It makes me physically sick. We try going out but things are crazy with girls wearing thongs and are too drunk keep their skirts from magically falling down or flying up. And pick-up trucks circling the same block.

Things go on all the same.