Sunday, April 17, 2011

Will Somebody Please Invent the Scented Record?

Sounds/instruments that I would like to potentially incorporate into music:

Sharp intakes of breath. Sniffs. Slapping/punching water, lightly. Synthetic Pan Flute. Garbled, unsteady whispering. Auto Harp of course. Clicking of a pen. Manual Metronome. Paper ripping.

Second nosebleed this week while I washed my face this morning, an unfortunate format. Smeared my eyes-closed face entirely, presuming it was water. Brain, heart, bowels, all feel clenched small within my frame. Not shriveled, but cowering.

A fleeting heart bleat for my father who broke it, broke it again. Very emotionally heavy for a mother who I miss endlessly, though she lives just down the Interstate 5. I'm simultaneously falling apart and being put together. I know everything will settle. Around me, without me, and not always well. I just don't know when.

I rip paper to stay awake. Mountains and mountains of blank canvases - shredded - follow me all over the hotel. I feed off of the hilarity and ridiculousness that lives inside of me. Who am I? Why do I do these things? Other people drink energy drinks and take several (un)necessary smoke breaks. I rip paper. I dance. I sing to myself. I touch myself hard and all over. (I know what that sounds like, but grabbing and pulling at my skin tends to wake me up.)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Minty Bloodcakes

Dylan wanted to make cupcakes, so we did. Cupcakes are really the butter and toast of baking for kids. They are so simple and quick to make. And let's not forget fun to decorate and eat!

And there's always room for horseplay.

For not possessing the skills of balance and aim just yet, Dylan didn't do so badly with getting the batter into the liners. She's going to be a pro.

She really wanted orange icing, but I was all out of yellow food coloring, so we just went with red. She was more excited than I had expected.

She was just dabbing the icing here and there so I asked her if she would rather spread it all over the top. Her response was... "No. It looks like blood."

So... I pretty much just left it at that.

Oh yeah, we added sprinkles. You can't leave sprinkles out of a cupcake recipe. Really.

Minty Bloodcakes
1/2 cup butter
1 3/4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg (you can use the 2:1:2 egg recipe for vegan cupcakes)
3/4 cup Moroccan Mint tea
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/3 cup of sprinkles
Extra sprinkles for topping

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Put butter in a mixing bowl and set aside. Sift dry ingredients together in separate bowl, with a mixer, mix the dry ingredients in slowly with the butter. Add 1/2 cup tea and the egg to the dry ingredients and beat until flour is fully moistened, then add the remaining milk and the vanilla and beat for about another minute. Fold sprinkles into the batter and gently stir. This will create a sort of swirly deign. Dylan loves it. Place paper liners in muffin pan and fill 3/4 full with the batter. Bake at 375 degrees for 15 to 18 minutes or until a cake tester or toothpick inserted into the middle of a cupcake comes out clean.

Any icing will do. Y'all know how to make it by now.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

How About Some Good News?

Limp, little, sack.

I feel as though everything that has sustained me, through various enforcers, has been taken this year and a half.

So much depletion, so little regeneration.

I do what I can, though. I look for little things to bouy me. I grasp that I am too busted to even muster the energy (sometimes), though the yearning and effort are certainly there. I guess this is the feeling of genuine emotional exhaustion.

Life is like that. I allow myself to feel what I feel and I've taught myself how to handle what comes my way. I'd really been needing something to look forward to, rather than the usual predictive and routine conversations that are swirled around my weeks.

With that said, I have recently run into somebody from my past. We weren't ever on bad terms. And now it seems as though our relationship has picked up right where it would have been, had we stayed in touch. You won't really meet him. He doesn't actually exist - not through the web, anyway. He is the sasquatch of my blog; a complete and total blur. Our days spent together are building toward rebuilding over 8 years of lost time. It's fascinating and I don't trade these moments in for anything. I wouldn't.

Already, my mind and heart stammer with the amount of laughter from which my cheeks ache. Seals, cupcakes, Balboa Park... we are the Ox and the Cock. At least, according to the Chinese Zodiac.

This is what life is about, right? Rebuilding the foundation that once made you want to wake up in the morning. Friendships and relationships are so often remembered in lapses. You have to work hard at rebuilding what they should have been, that is, assuming they have fallen apart.