Sunday, March 27, 2011


Walking down a street I've walked six hundred times, conceding to a slower gait, noticing for the first time how much this street terrifies me. For how it moves, for where it used to take me. The hands at my side no longer my own - feeling half the woman, twice the woman, and not the same woman at all.

Not everything changes the way you want it to, or when you want it to. Sometimes, you have to give it a little push and send this yearning for change in the right direction. Yesterday, I took Dylan for a walk down this street. It took a long time. It was 26 blocks. I gave her a camera (which I found MONTHS ago - ah... the perks of working at a hotel), and held tight to my own. We own this street. These hands at my side are my hands and hers. She held them so tight and we ran so fast and we gasped for our own air. This street is our own.

We took a break at Lucky's Tattoo Parlor and saw my brother and a couple of the guys working there. Dylan ran around and hopped made several different animal noises bounce off the walls (even some animals I've never heard of!) and it really wore her down.

After trotting around and at one particular moment, talking like a robot, Dylan was finally OUT. It was a good day.

As for the photos she took with her camera, her father hasn't decided what he wants to do with them. Oh, exciting!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

William Carlos Williams-esque.

He says you are not supposed to be able to read in your dreams, but I wrote him a note in the one I woke up from this afternoon. It read, "If you think you can get away with this, you are sadly and surely mistaken." It was taped above a half-eaten pie.

Monday, March 21, 2011

This Isn't Going To Be Easy


Scratch that. Nobody is leaving anywhere. :)

Dead Dogs Being Beaten

Lately, I will use my left hand to do banal tasks, as I've discovered it makes me feel like somebody else is doing it for me. An attempt at treating myself right.

Count on nothing, no one but your beast.

And I know it can only get worse. I see us as the refuse of a past life, but in reality, it's much less passive. Charged with what I can only process as hatred. Never trust yourself when you're full from breakfast and vulnerable.
We entertain the worst possible scenarios, and know in our guts that they will probably be realized; in spite of what we've been trained to believe by the very villain since consciousness. We feed off of each other's pain brought on by one another with insults and intentionally false accusations. A vicious cycle that holds together like glue.
It's confusing on a very base, biological level. I find myself shaking my head to myself, more days of denial and disbelief. April is almost here. Watch for choppy waters.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Fruity Pebbles Crispy Treats

I am the poster child for replacing feelings with food. Recognizing that might be a cure, I suppose. It could be bittersweet because of my affinity for food and cooking but I don't like to think of food in that sense unless it involves chocolate. Do you know what I mean?

Anyway, Addysin and I were hanging out yesterday, watching some Labyrinth, Robots, Kipper the Dog, etc. We decided it would be fun to turn my marshmallows and box of cereal into a project. And so it began...

Patting down that marshmallowy goodness was more comical than I thought it would have been. We were giggling for no reason at all. Laughter is contagious. Especially Addysin's laugh. She belts out these hefty, yet tiny giggles and every single time it is real. Trust me, she will NOT laugh if it is NOT funny.

Fruity Pebble Crispy Treats
1 box of Fruity Pebbles
1 package of mini marshmallows
1/4 cup of butter
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

Melt the butter over low heat. Add the marshmallows and stir until they are completely melted and blended.
Stir in vanilla and cereal until cereal is well coated. With buttered spatula, pat mixture into a preferred pan (we used a 9 x 13) and allow to cool either on a counter or in the refrigerator, depending on how impatient you or your fellow tasters are.

Addysin is so funny. She kept her face like that for a while and when I took the photo, it still came out blurry. Either I'm horrible with my camera or she is just naturally blurry. You don't have to share your decision.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Red Velvet Cookies With Cream Cheese Frosting

I was just sitting here thinking that life has reached a height of unapproachable absurdity- then some ghost with great comedic timing knocked my cup of yogurt off the table.
I wiped half of it up with a receipt, the other with a snack wrapper.
'I suppose it is time to be productive,' I thought/said aloud to myself. I had a box of red velvet cake mix, and some of that good ol' fashion appetite so I mixed up a few ingredients for a cookie dough like texture.

Finding extra cake mix in your pantry is pretty damn close to winning the lottery. There's just so much you can do with it. Maybe next time I will make a cake batter smoothie. What are your thoughts?

The cookies came out in funky shapes, due to an unprecedented expansion and very little room on the cookie sheet. I suppose I had thought about that happening but I'm not baking for a grade, or a televised show, or any sort of judgement. I'm just trying to feed my appetite and your jealousy.

Red Velvet Cookies

1 box Duncan Hines Red Velvet Cake Mix

2 eggs

1/3 cup oil

Mix all ingredients together. This will make a very greasy cookie dough. Roll into balls and place on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Flatten down slightly (depending on the thickness you desire). Bake at 375° until the tops crackle (about 10-12 minutes). 10 minutes will bake them fully, and they will still be soft on the inside. At least that's how it worked in my oven.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1 8oz package cream cheese -- softened

1/4 cup margarine or butter -- softened
2 teaspoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup granulated sugar

Beat ingredients in a food processor or with an electric mixer (OF WHICH I DO NOT OWN) and let it sit in the fridge while the cookies bake and cool. The frosting doesn't stiffen very much but it is thick enough to stay on the cookies and eat and enjoy. I've already eaten three and it worked out pretty well.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Red Velvet Pancakes With Vanilla Butter Cream Icing

I have been thinking fantasizing about chocolate all night. All night. I made the decision to test out my Red Velvet Pancake recipe as soon as I clocked out of work.

You know, one great thing (of many) about pancakes is that even the messy parts are delicious. The batter is addicting!

My recipe survived my pessimism and made me one happy little Norma.

Red Velvet Pancakes
1 1/2 tablespoon sugar
2 cups red velvet cake mix (I used Duncan Hines Moist Deluxe Red Velvet)
2 large eggs, beaten well
2 tablespoon oil
1/4 cup + 1 teaspoon milk
3 tablespoon butter

Combine the cake mix, eggs, oil and water in a mixing bowl until just thoroughly blended (don’t overmix or it will get airy and will not cook. Trust me. I ruined several pancakes). If batter seems too thick, add another tablespoon of milk. Cook the pancakes in a non-stick pan over low/medium heat. You want to cook these a little slower than regular pancakes because you don’t want them to brown too much.

Vanilla Butter Cream Icing
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
4 cups powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup whole milk + 1 teaspoon whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Cream the butter until smooth. Add the powdered sugar, salt, milk, and vanilla and mix until smooth and creamy. Add the remaining teaspoon of milk for a more manageable syrup-like texture. I didn't do this and the icing came out real thick and more like a dollop of butter, but it was still very spreadable and scrumptious.

I'm thinking next time I will have white chocolate shavings or melted white chocolate drizzle. Did you know that I am a huge white chocolate fan? I am.

Friday, March 4, 2011

I Sometimes Forget I Am Designed To Survive

There is something about this mood that leaves me very vulnerable to physical beauty. Certain colors shock, delight. Especially outside, where the sky is so flat, and then a rust colored thorn bush interrupts. Or the verdure of an ice plant beneath the black stream of night, ("like green, clean brains"), shivs me, makes me sad and glad. Hands and hair, usually nice anyhow, are almost too pretty not to touch.

I am at many moments throughout the days on the verge of shedding a few grateful tears for a peripheral loveliness that means everything to me, but doesn't notice me at all. This all sounds silly I guess, but I am just very glad for this relief-reflex my brain offers me.

When I wander around with Dylan, I want to capture every beautiful moment, but that kid is a goddamn hummingbird. I can never catch her!

When I do catch her, miracle as it is, it is either a beautiful photo of her in a childish, pensive trance, a mid-laugh, but more than often, a face. Not just any face, but a face. The ones her father makes when you tell him to smile or even "look" at the camera. Oh, why am I trying to explain it when I can just show you?

It's funny how certain traits are so easily transferred to offspring. Traits that aren't usually proven to be genetically passed on. Dylan is just like her father. Every silly, goofy and geeky habit has been transmitted into this little girl and is being put to great use.

Oh, I did finally get a still shot of her. Albeit, not a very good one: