Monday, June 14, 2010

i have real problems that i don't talk about and probably should

I thought for a minute about telling him that I don't love him, even though I do.
____
It's purely psychological, this tension between my shoulders. I can't turn my head because of what's going on inside.
____
I want to ask for a backrub, but it seems inappropriate. I say I don't know why I am so tense, and he lists off reasons. My real problem is that I'm always thinking of everything I'm not doing that still needs to be done.
____
I get less tense when my apartment is clean, so I clean my apartment.
____
I get very tense when my finances are out of order, which they are right now, but that's just a matter of trasferring money. It used to be so much worse. Still, I fret because I know how bad it was.
____
I don't have any real problems. People are dying, but no one is dead. Relationships are ending, but they're not over yet. Money is being made. Bills are being paid. Friendships fall by the wayside, as they do, as they do.
____
I get less tense when I write, so I write.
____
I get very tense when I talk, so I don't say anything at all.