Monday, August 4, 2008

Capitolism’s Success Hinges On The Quest For Enormous Genitals*

Like most people, I receive a pretty hefty amount of spam each day in my various email accounts, and like most people, I don't ordinarily read it. (Ah, it feels satisfying to identify myself as being 'like most people' for once.)

However, there are times when I, much like some lonely elderly woman who only receives junk snail mail, sort through it looking for something personal, something perhaps in the way of salvation. It is as futile as the aforementioned archetypal bored elderly woman mired in a mundane life of mediocrity being seduced by the "you're a winner! you're special!" siren song of Ed McMahon's publisher's clearing his house mail.

It is a good thing I don't have a penis-envy complex, because the bulk of the spam I receive is about making my nonexistent penis larger. Today I received a spam from this sender: "DICK-EnLarGe". He had this little gem for me: "ARE YOU BIG ENOUGH? SHE WANT BIGGER..." Once I tire of feeling self-righteously indignant about the poor grammar used in such lackluster spam, my mind turns to Freud, and I can't help but think that he's missing out on one hell of an interesting era for psychosexual analysis.

*I realize this will likely generate some hits from perverted google users... to whom (if they have read this far) I must pass on the tired but true nugget of wisdom: "It is not, after all, the size of the boat that matters; it's the motion of the ocean."