Saturday, September 23, 2006

In Remembrance.

Right now instead of doing what I'm supposed to be doing (resting, drinking lots of fluids, getting unsick), I'm watching a DVD of Sonic Youth videos. Did I ever tell you that Thurston Moore sat next to me once at a poetry reading in Long Beach? We were both wearing the same shoes.

[20 minutes later]...

It's getting late, and while I should be getting to bed, instead I am watching The Man Without A Face and have made some tea to help my immune system. My heart has been in a tangle lately. And in an effort to resolve the pain, I just start to remember past days, and what love was like for me then...

I always daydreamed of falling in love in fractured, improbable ways, like becoming infatuated with someone who wrote insightful comments in the margins of the library copy of a favorite book and then trying to track them down. A few years ago I was likely to get a crush on any college radio DJ who had a nice voice and played songs by Low and Bright Eyes. How did it take me so long to catch on? This is the sort of thing that seems romantic in fiction but makes people uncomfortable in real life.

I could stay single forever and be absolutely okay with it. But I still need love.