Feeling a little booksick after a failed attempt to rescue a really nice copy of To Kill a Mockingbird (a very old hardback, in good condition, for $4!) this afternoon from a bookstore that I'd seen the week before. I should have bought it when I had the chance, because of course it had vanished, and I stood between the Poetry and Classics feeling momentarily like I might cry. Like I might really and truly start tearing up about this particular copy of a book that I've already read and own a paperback version of. Is this at all reasonable? I felt even woozier when I later checked ebay and found that the copy at the bookstore must have been some sort of mysterious fluke, that old hardback copies of the book generally run for much more.
What else today? A conversation this morning about Things We Are Good At left me sort of overwhelmed, defensive. Mostly because there is so often this cloudy feeling of not being good at enough STUFF, or maybe, being good at things that are not easily quantified or aren't important or don't necessarily have an obvious, tangible product (a painting, a knitted scarf, a nicely designed website, a refinished piece of furniture, etc.). Even though when you get right down to it, I'm not entirely sure how many things one should reasonably try to or expect to be really good at, or really, what is the point of this wanting to be good at lots of stuff business, anyway, because when I'm actually honest with myself I get the feeling that it's for pretty stupid, self-conscious reasons. And is it okay to admit that when I really think about it, there are a lot of things that I want to learn about, but I can't come up with all that many things I earnestly want to be good at? Other than cooking, of course.
Also, after having an 8 hour experience at the Alta Bates ER, my knee feels better, is less swollen, and is much less bruised.
Thank you, those of you who hoped for me to feel better, because it worked.