Saturday, December 10, 2005

I've Gone To.

So what do you do, anyway, in a situation where problems cannot be resolved -- a situation, well, where they can't even really be broached? What do you do with that sort of quiet, domesticated anger that ends up piling up, rotting and stinking like months' old garbage?

I halfheartedly do a Google search for something ridiculous, unanswerable, some suggestion for this kind of thing. I find a website that insists that no one can make you angry, that you alone have control over your emotions and reactions. The website also suggests thinking of anger as an iceberg. None of this sounds quite right.

I try to tell myself that anger is just thwarted sadness, that it can sometimes be protective against further damage, the emotional equivalent of quickly yanking one's hand away from a hot stove. I tell myself that this anger (and sadness) isn't (aren't) even just about this one particular situation, but the fact that this situation feels uncomfortably familiar, and that if I don't actually fucking acknowledge this, I'm not going to get anywhere. If I don't admit to myself that at this point these emotions are more about me than about this other person I'm going to have to keep feeling them over and over and over.

I try to tell myself that something in this mess will eventually help.