Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Have You Ever Held On?

I'm really beginning to wonder what's keeping everyone around here from killing themselves. Myself included, of course.

I'd like to ask, but I'm not quite sure how to work that into a conversation: The weather is so nice lately! I can't wait to go bowling. So are the unappreciative members of your lecture group making you want to gouge your eyeballs out of their sockets, too?

The really sad part being that I still have no idea how I am going to lead this lecture all on my own.

It's not even like it's a sense of unhappiness about being here in particular. I'm just not sure how to not feel hopelessly bored by everything, by being a grown up and going to a job where I'm supposed to copy boring things into a boring notebook and go without seeing Adam for what seems like days. Sometimes it seems that I'm so bored that I can't even tell how bored I am, that's just how bad it's gotten. I used to think that people went crazy from too much going on, but perhaps it's even easier to just lose your mind because there's simply nothing else to do, like the pioneer women who went mad living alone on the prairie with nothing else to do but listen to the wind.

But wait. That sounds kind of nice.

I think I'm just extra restless lately because it seems like everyone else in the universe is on break right now, taking road trips to Chicago or gallavanting through lava tubes or something. It's hard not to be jealous, and yet I feel very silly and immature. After all, no one else seems to want to run around their classrooms screaming simply because it's 11 a.m. and they're dressed in khakis.

I keep wondering what my problem is.