Thursday, August 4, 2005

Zombies (in love!)

Well, today I lapsed into quite an impressive little stupor. Sitting or staring or laying down for seconds or minutes or hours, as if there was othing else to be done. Driving up to Berkeley Hills to pick up a rickety bookshelf (it was free) with Adam. Noticing that by the hour, the ends of my hair were in an attempt to flip outward. Wondering what it would be like to read an elderly copy of David Copperfield in a place that vaguely resembles Tomorrowland, and wether or not the place has that old book smell yet (it is awfully hard to imagine). Moving very slowly and not thinking but not really doing and well, truthfully, not thinking very much, anyway, and reading that once infamous but now mostly forgotten (or maybe entirely unkown, depending on your level of interest or age even) Sassy interview with Kurt and Courtney in which the former talks about how being in love is invigorating yet also sort of zombifying (in that you end up caring maybe less then you should about nearly everything else), how being in love is so exciting but also, quite frankly, somewhat embarrassing. Feeling like I agree entirely but uncertain as to why this would really have to be the case. Thinking it must have something to do with the same mixed feelings of desire ad ridiculousness that arise when wanting to sit on the same side of the booth at a restaurant (but not doing so for the obvious stupidity of it), and remembering my mother recently telling me that she is always outwardly embarrassed but inwardly charmed when this happens.

Not only am I moving in slow motion, but it seems like I must be feeling in slow motion, too, and I don't quite know what else to say about this past week but this: sometimes forgiving someone is less exhausting than staying mad, and sometimes being angry is less exhausting than all of the other emotions you might feel if given the chance.

This summer is nearly over, and it really only just began. But I promise I won't sulk too much because the weather is really beautiful and an awfully nice reminder that fall is edging closer and winter always follows. This year I want to see a star show at the planetarium, carve pumpkins, buy a bike, and find a roof to sit on.

Heck, I might even make a friend in the process.

My flight for San Diego leaves in 6 hours. I'll grab a window seat for you.