Thursday, May 27, 2004

I Want To Be The Girl With The Most Cake

Happy Birthday to me.

I just want to be quiet for a long time in a 'nook' listening to robert smith, glancing down at my broken chipped bent dirty fingernails, blinking a blink too long, and daydreaming in dreams that outdo the night. I just want left alone in stillness. life keeps changing everyday.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

New Plan

I would like to think that divergence after some time inevitably leads to convergence on some living topology.

That maybe there is a symbiosis: that when things fall apart they are actually coming together.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Number 54

There are times when a feeling of expectancy comes to me, as if something is there, beneath the surface of my understanding, waiting for me to grasp it. It is the same tantalizing sensation when you almost remember a name, but don't quite reach it. I can feel it when I think of human beings, of the hints of evolution suggested by the removal of wisdom teeth, the narrowing of the jaw no longer needed to chew such roughage as it was accustomed to; the gradual disappearance of hair from the human body; the adjustment of the human eye to the fine print, the swift, colored motion of the twentieth century. The feeling comes, vague and nebulous, when I consider the prolonged adolesence of our species; the rites of birth, marriage and death; all the primitive, barbaric ceremonies streamlined to modern times. Almost, I think, the unreasoning, bestial purity was best. Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke. And then I'll laugh. And then I'll know what life is.

Sunday, May 16, 2004


Vegetable and fruit dinners for three days straight. My forearms are browning now as i stoop over the rows of baby lettuce. A lightness that follows.

But then, inside underneath the Los Angeles Times or sometimes even the Reader, My skin pricks up, cold. Things are about to change real swift here in the U.S.

I think there are going to be some trials coming up. I think that once everything comes out that it is very possible that Bush and Rumsfeld will be tried as war criminals if the worst is still hidden.

It makes me physically sick. We try going out but things are crazy with girls wearing thongs and are too drunk keep their skirts from magically falling down or flying up. And pick-up trucks circling the same block.

Things go on all the same.

Monday, May 3, 2004

Another Day Gone, Dreaming

I spend my time getting lost between what I should be doing and what I dream of doing.

This in between space is where I meet you, because as we know it, we're both dreamers caught up in a vile world of necessity.

I miss the smell of wood burning. I would like to stay warm near the fire, warm my hands. and your heartfelt words will keep my heart warm too.

We will etch broken hearts on broken wood.

The forest will sing our names. Faintly echoing the ideals we have lost on our way.

I don't mind the wandering. Just keep yourself close to me .. and whistle a little tune for the lonely birds ..


There's no use crying over burnt toast.