Saturday, September 27, 2003

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I'm A Sap

"I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do...they're really saying...I love you."

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Anthrax , Fungi and Flowers

I had a dream last night I was exposed to Anthrax.

I had to go to the hospital to find out if I had been infected or not.

For some reason they had to do a throat culture to test me for infection.

Whatever they scraped out of my throat grew in the petri dish.

And it grew into some weird looking fungi... and a beautiful red flower.

I had no idea I was such an optimist.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Mussels Are Funny, Jock Jams Is Funnier

I had a lovely outing and dinner with my younger brother in the Downtown San Diego area today..

Our new-to-the-job-waiter Brad stumbled through his opening speech then went on to recommend the mussels as an appetizer "because," as he claimed "they are my favorite."

As opposed to you know, the more honest "because they are the most expensive appetizer on the menu."

Hey, I don't want to be a jerk, but it was painfully obvious Brad had never had a mussel in his entire life. No, Brad enjoys listening to Jock Jams on repeat while doing body shots off the halter-top wearing girls.

Brad's a chips and salsa guy, not a mussels guy. And I'm okay with that. I don't like mussels either.

So, in the end, we did not have the mussels, but we did leave Brad a healthy tip.

And even more bizarre, on our way out of the restaurant, in the front by the hostess stand, I noticed a young woman about my age standing with an elderly lady with a tube in her nose, pushing around an oxygen tank in front of her.

Of course this started me thinking about how awful it would to be to have to tote one of those tanks around everywhere you go and seeing that kinda thing really made me glad I dont do the cigarette thing and so then I was consumed with my thoughts about how horrible that would be all the while I watched the younger woman and the elderly woman - oxygen tank in tow - approach the hostess to inquire about a table and not missing a beat the hostess said with a big smile:

"Sure do! The wait's about 15 minutes. Do you have a smoking preference?"

Apparently, she goes by the book, that hostess does.

Also, at one point, I was desperately in the mood for a virgin margarita - strawberry style, but the man who brought it forgot my strawberry on the side. At the end of the meal, he stopped by with a glass full of strawberries apologizing for leaving me empty-handed the first time. Kudos to him, really.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Short Bus Express To Hell

... If my grasp of grammar were to be listed on the list of the worst places to live in the U.S. based on weather, I would so be Quillayute, Washington *


Anyway, after a quick reassessment, I decided it was time I cut myself a little slack because yesterday a lady online asked me to help her write a press release because, as she said, "I am really not good at writing, it's not my thing. I don't know anything about those adverbs and proverbs or anything like that."

Proverbs, guys.

You know, like, "the early bird catches the worm," or "an apple a day keeps the doctor away," or "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" and must I go on?

Yeah, I know.

Move over Quilayute, Washington! We have a new winner!

Yeah, so, other than mocking the ignorant, I've been stealing bills from the church collection baskets, dabbling in kicking stray puppies and futzing around with stealing pencils from the blind.

Which apparently makes me way too busy to sleep.

Also in news, I will be out of town with a couple of friends this weekend! So there are fun ways to spend time in the works including a Saturday Night Rock Show! I haven't been keeping up with many shows lately, but how can you resist the John Wilkes Kissing Booth?

And we have an extra ticket!

So, I was thinking, perhaps in order to repent for my previously mentioned wicked wrongdoings, I have decided that maybe before the show, I shall give away my extra ticket outside the venue to some unsuspecting fourteen year old super fan-girl who snuck out of her home all rock and roll-like to go to the show!

Wait, you mean the show's 18 and over?

Well, in that case you 18-and-overs, make that check out to CASH!

Wait a second, wait a second - you smell that?

That's normajean's flesh searing in the fire and brimstone.

Have a good weekend, muffins.

* because who doesn't enjoy a gratuitous Farmer's Almanac mention?

Tuesday, September 9, 2003

The Jar Is Open

Spearmint leaves steeping in hot water. Only start to loosen joint from ball point after sun down. Ending the study with Sylvia Plath. Somehow never crossed upon in school, but time enough and hopefully mind enough now.

Hoping for everyday things used in different ways. The simple declaratives that rebound quickly back to you after it's too late to reply.

You've just gotten it, but three steps behind when your off by yourself again.

"That's how it goes, I suppose."